“No feeling is final.”
Breakups blow chunks. Whether it’s an amicable breakup or a horrible, crash-and-burn situation, you’ve invested a part of you into another person and must accept that a relationship that you once nurtured is dead and gone. Brain-mapping studies have shown that the same regions of the brain are activated when an addict is going through withdrawals as when someone is going through a breakup.
1. Day of the split—contact purge.
Block them everywhere: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Skype, Snapchat and your phone, along with unfollows on Tumblr and Vine.I would also recommend steering clear of social media for at least a day or two; you’re not going to miss out on much in the way of your virtual social life, and it’ll keep you from creeping where you should not be and from making emotional posts that will embarrass you in the future.
2. Either block or unfriend him on Facebook, because that shit will be the death of you.
Maybe you assume you are a reasonable and mature lady-human who can handle seeing the occasional reminder of him on your Facebook timeline. You’re both grown-ups, right! What’s a little “David’s Birthday Bar Crawl!” action popping up on your feed? Noooo. There will be a really pretty redhead in his arms in every picture, and you will feel like you want to jump into Buffalo Bill’s abandoned well girl-trap in Silence of The Lambs.
3.EMBRACE THE FEELINGS.
Breaking up with someone can feel like a major loss. It’s crucial to give yourself time to mourn the end of the relationship; however, it’s important to remember that everyone mourns differently. Some people cry, get angry, lash out, become sad, or deny that the relationship is really over. If you’re anything like me, you’re likely to feel all of these emotions at once.
4. Don’t immediately suggest to “stay friends” — an if he does, tell him youd need to think about it.
This is an impulse because you don’t want to seem like you care too much about the breakup. Because you’re so chill. You’re so chill that your heart isn’t beating. Aaand, you’re dead. But truthfully, during this stilted, awkward breaking-up period, it’s hard to tell whether you’ll be able to be friends or not. Generally, one person wants to be friends and the other wants to be more. Gotta work that shit out before it can be a healthy friendship … if it ever can be. You’re not admitting defeat by not staying friends with him.
5. Lean on loved ones.
Call your older and wiser confidant who always seems to know the right things to say—for me, that’s my mom. Tell them what happened and cry to them; they will help you to feel better and remind you of your worth through other’s eyes when you can’t see it yourself.
Instead of dealing with the current state of the relationship, we sometimes tend to keep replaying the past, looking for answers that can’t always be found, or mentally create future situations that allow us to (temporarily) escape the pain.Depending on my mood, I would either analyze various scenes from our relationship, searching for any type of clue as to why things ended, or imagine a future in which we both realized the error of our ways and ended up happily married (with children).
7. Begin some kind of intense, rage-based workout routine.
Maybe this isn’t a good time for yoga! Maybe it’s a good time for something new, like kickboxing. Really get some of that negative stuff out.
8. Controlled mourning.
Instead of trying to be tough and burying your feelings, allow yourself to feel it all.Call sick into work or work out of your home. If you’re in school, see if you can get notes off of other people and miss a day or two. Cry a lot and come to grips with the fact that what you had is gone. Let yourself feel the flood of emotions entirely and allow yourself to go through the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally, acceptance) without the risk of going off like a loose cannon in public. Turn your house into a personal love detox center filled with cheesy break up songs followed by empowering songs with choreographed dances. Then after the allotted mourning time is over, pick yourself up and re-enter the real world.
9.LEARN LOVE’S LESSON.
Even though it’s difficult to accept that the relationship has ended, I have still gained invaluable information from the experience that I may not have received otherwise. I am better able to recognize what I need in a relationship and to communicate those needs to others. Also, I’ve found the courage to face some of the issues that floated to the surface in the process of opening myself up to another person.Yes, sometimes the lessons hurt—and like hell. But learning is an important part of the healing process. No relationship, no matter how negative it may seem, can be considered a “failure” if you have grown as a result of the experience.
10. If you start dating someone else, take it really slow.
Dude. You just ended a relationship and your heart flipped over and exploded like a tanker in a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie. If you take it step by step and enjoy it as a casual thing for a while, that’ll give you some time to evaluate whether you’re actually ready to be with someone again or if you’re just ready to have really hot sex with them in an elevator once in a while.